Yesterday was Valentines Day. In the style that we have become accustomed we celebrated as a family. Gooey pizza and a picnic of chocolates while we snuggled and watched a movie. Nothing fancy, but perfectly happy.
As my husband and I crawled into bed around midnight I commented that I felt that was a nice Valentines Day. Second only to the year we watched Dexter all night on Christmas Eve. I suggested though, that maybe we could start making a little more effort around special occasions like birthdays and Valentines Day. I didn’t suggest this because anything is lacking, I just think it will be fun.
We laughed at ourselves for a while – at the astounding lack of effort we are both perfectly at peace with. Understanding that in our relationship this does not in any way reflect a lack of caring. In fact it’s the opposite. Each of us knows that the other is content. Each of us knows that the other feels loved – every day. Neither of us feel the need of any material object. A snuggle and a laugh; some family time and an evening of relaxing together is enough to mark any occasion. I supposed we could say, contentment is our love language.
Don’t get me wrong. White doves do not sit on our windowsill every morning. Our love is not the Hollywood picture perfect type. There can be some UGLY moments in this house like any one elses. My husband and I are very humanly humans. We are skilled at annoying the crap out of each other and inadvertently making life much harder than it needs to be. What we also have….the tie that binds…is a deep unwavering trust in one another. A knowledge that we are both capable and committed to getting through the tough stuff. To adapting, adjusting and growing together.
I realize that ‘high five to still married’ is not, at first glance, a very romantic anniversary celebration. I definitely believe my husbands “worth” is not reflected in the maple bacon birthday donut I tried to get him (but they were sold out that day) from the local bakery. My fluffy Christmas slipper socks were not a gift to set a girls heart a flutter. Maybe it is odd to some, that we don’t wear wedding bands, we never had a honey moon, and we haven’t been out on a proper date since about 2015. The funny thing is – I think the lack of romance in our relationship IS the romance.
For me, I know this is my truest love, not because he showers me in gifts or get’s ‘it’ right all the time. Our romance is found in the recovery. Our romance is in the unsaid words we are both so confident in knowing. Our romance is in the laughter we share looking at each other in the mirror, brushing our teeth and laughing at something one of the kids said.
As we grow old together, I don’t anticipate every lamenting the dates we didn’t take, the rings we didn’t buy or the flowers never given. Instead I will continue to treasure what we have now. The enduring partnership. The solidarity we know is unbreakable even when we are royally ticked with each other. The hilarity of unfiltered honesty. The comfort of knowing and being known so well – exactly and unapologetically as we are.
Truest love. It’s not for the faint of heart.